


The Racial Segregation of Dogs

by Cleggymeiser



Series: Politicians Behaving Badly [2]
Category: Lolitics, Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Dogs, Fanfiction, Lolitics - Freeform, barkity bark bark, woof - Freeform, woof woof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4740047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleggymeiser/pseuds/Cleggymeiser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick has a brilliant idea that he wants to share with the gang, but will political differences get in the way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Racial Segregation of Dogs

"So, what did you call us all here for?" George asked. Nick had gathered everyone up into the kitchen to all sit around the STORNÄS extendable dining table which they used for meals and meetings like this.  
"Yeah, this better not be a waste of time, you're making me miss Deal or No Deal!" Boris scoffed.  
"Hey, I promise you, it's not a waste of time." affirmed Nick with the biggest grin plastered on his gorgeous face.  
"Well then?" said Natalie expectantly.  
"Okay, so I have had the best idea ever! It surpasses all ideas ever made in the existence of mankind. No sentient being has ever had an idea as brilliant as this, the Gods of Olympus will look down unto this idea and be in awe that mortals can come up with such a-"  
"Alright alright! We get it! Just tell us what it is!" Boris snapped, "Pfft I can't believe I'm missing my favourite show for this..." he then mumbled.  
"Alright!" Nick announced, "I think... we should get... a dog!"  
"A dog?" Natalie repeated.  
"A dog!" he affirmed, still grinning like a Cheshire cat.  
"What kind of dog?"  
"I don't know! That's what we're all here to debate about! Suggestions?"  
"Oh! We should get a Dachshund! They're so cute and they look like little fluffy sausages!" Leanne piped in, she seemed just as giddy as Nick over the prospect of a fluffy new addition to the household. Ed Miliband seemed just as giddy too.  
"No we should get a Papillon! They're so smol and fluffy, and they have adorable ears that just make you go awwww!"  
"Absolutely not!" Nigel exclaimed, "This is Britain! And we are British! We need a good British dog with good British values!"  
"Fuck this, I'm going to watch the end of Deal or No Deal." mumbled Boris as he got up and left.  
"Anyway..." he continued, "We should get something like an English Bulldog or a Jack Russell."  
"OBJECTION!" shouted Leanne, "We have to keep our dog horizons open! We cannot limit ourselves to just the dogs of one country when all over the world there is a plethora of adorable breeds which could make lovely best friends."  
"DOUBLE OBJECTION!" shouted Nicola," We have to choose the finest dog for our household, and what better than a strong, noble and intelligent Scottish dog!"  
"But Scottish is Briti-" started Nick.  
"Shut up! Scottish is Scottish, now where was I... we could have a Border Collie, a Golden Retriever, a Scottish Terrier-"  
"Alright no! Just stop!" interrupted Nick, " We Liberal Democrats are strongly against racial segregation, and ESPECIALLY against the racial segregation of dogs! So let's ignore the ethnic backgrounds of our future fluffy friends and debate this seriously!" The entire group went silent, Natalie, Leanne and Ed exchanged glances the got up from the table.  
"Please excuse us, we're just going to pop out for a minute for some fresh air, we'll be back in no time." said Ed as the three left the room, then the house.  
"Right, so that just leaves five of us..." Nick said as he rubbed his chin, pondering what to do next, "Hey, George, David. You haven't said a thing about the dog, what do you think?"  
"Well, Nick, I don't know how to say this but..." David explained, "But we're cat people." Nigel, Nicola and Nick gasped in unison, in total and utter shock over the fact that George and David would even dare prefer cats to dogs. Well, typical Tories I guess!  
"Bu-bu-bu-but... how?" mumbled Nick, his voice barely audible over the shock that his beloved Dave wasn't a dog person like he was. Sure, they were miles apart in their political views but he didn't think that as human beings they'd be so... different. A dog person and a cat person cannot be together, according to many reliable resources such as an old couple I once saw, some YouTube comment I once read and my brain.  
The ship has sunk.  
"Nick? Are you okay?" asked David. Nick lifted his head up to answer but was interrupted by the door swinging open.  
"We're back!" Leanne called out, and her voice was accompanied by many, many barks. And as they walked into the kitchen, the dog tsunami followed. It was made up of a Dachshund, a Border Collie, an English Bulldog, a Scottish Terrier, a Papillon, a Golden Retriever and a Jack Russell.  
"Aren't they so adorable!" squealed Ed.  
"But, we were only supposed to get one dog..." murmured Nick.  
"Well none of us could decide so we thought we'd-" Ed mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.  
"Yes but now we have a huge problem on our hands! Didn't you think this through! I mean..." he started to laugh, "What are we going to name them all!" 

Then they all laughed and played with the dogs, except Boris because he was still mesmerised with the love of his life, Noel Edmonds, and David and George because they're cat people, pffft.


End file.
